An unreal reality

Everybody know by now Im sure - that the guy behind both of the attacks on Norway july 22nd was in fact norwegian.
He said he would rather be hated than forgotten and I had a hard time remembering his name, so I won't look it up as I will in fact try to forget it, even if I can never forget the guy or what he did. While it's awfull that one man can do all of this damage, at least it isnt some big terrorism organisation that is out to get us and that's always something.
Oslo the last few days simply haven't looked like itself. I had to go downtown to pick up my friend Rob on the bus on the day of the actual attacks and it was a freaking ghosttown.. police everywhere blocking streets, all of the buses stopping outside of the city centre.. very few people all looking freaked out.. I just walked on as quick as I could as I didn't really want to be there for long. People are out in the streets again now, but there are still military everywhere, with machine guns.. to others this might not be such a big deal, but for Oslo to have armed military out in the open like this is completely unreal to us - haven't been needed since world war 2.
Yesterday was the day of my goodbye party, at first I felt like canceling it because of what happened - but then I realised it's better for us to stick together than grief on our own, and I still wanted to see everyone before leaving for Shanghai. We didn't go out and we didn't celebrate, but we did get together. Sticking together and taking care of eachother is the only thing we can do in times like these. Those of my friends that showed up were all kind of sad, but we all agreed it was nice to get together and talk to eachother about this - see some friendly faces, not just sadness. Some of us knew people that were at Utøya, people they still dont know wether or not are safe. Still we got together and tried to make the best of it.. what else could we do? I love all of my friends so much, Im really going to miss them. Even while they were so sad they wanted to show up and say goodbye, said they would always be there for me and that they would come to pick me up if I dared to try and stay longer than a year in China.. I feel as if Im leaving them behind at a bad time, and I don't really want to. At the same time I don't feel as if I can cancel my flight to China and simply stay behind either.I am in fact leaving the day after tomorrow and that's just weird for me right now.
Rob was leaving today, so we went downtown so he could have at least a short look on all the tourism thingies downtown.. it was hard for me to see the broken glass that's still outside of some stores there - made it more real for me I guess. Sad to see Rob leave as well, he didn't get to see Norway the way it's supposed to be, the way it has always been. It was still nice to see him again and it was good to not be alone the day of the attack. Just rambling on now I guess - not a very well structured or well written blogpost, but it was nice for me to write it at least - get some feelings out there. Now the appartment is empty again, but Im just staying her for two more nights anyways and seeing how people show their support by putting flowers outside of the church of Oslo keeps my spirits up. Seems sticking together and caring for eachother is what norwegians try to do now in general.